For partners and loved ones

What she's going through

Pregnancy changes nearly every part of the body, and recovery after birth takes weeks or months, often while caring for a newborn on very little sleep. Some serious complications, like preeclampsia and heavy bleeding, can happen after birth, when attention has moved to the baby.¹

Before and during pregnancy

• Quit together. If you smoke, drink heavily or use drugs, stop before trying. They can damage sperm, and secondhand smoke can harm a pregnancy and raises the risk of sudden infant death.²
• Go to appointments when you can, and learn the warning signs.
• Know the warning signs. A severe headache, vision changes, trouble breathing, chest pain, severe belly pain, heavy bleeding, fever or a painful swollen leg need care right away, during pregnancy and for a year after birth.¹ You may notice them before she does.

If there's a loss

A miscarriage is almost never caused by anything she did.³ Grief can last longer than physical healing, and partners may grieve differently. A counselor or support group can help you both.³

After the birth

• Protect her sleep. Exhaustion is one of the biggest contributors to postpartum depression.⁴ Take night feeds or diaper changes where you can.
• Take on the house. Meals, chores and other children.
• Help her get to checkups. ACOG recommends contact with a clinician within 3 weeks of birth and a full visit by 12 weeks.⁵
• Watch her mood. If she seems very sad, anxious or distant from the baby for more than two weeks, help her call a clinician. Don't wait for a scheduled visit.⁴

What not to say

• "You should be happy, you have a healthy baby." Mixed feelings are common, and depression isn't a choice.
• "Just sleep when the baby sleeps." Offer to make that possible instead.

If it's urgent

Thoughts of harming herself or the baby need emergency care right away.¹